Fuck this year lmao. Lack of updates due to the general fuckery of 2020, depression, and more. I honestly don't want to talk about it too much but yeah, I'm not feeling the holidays much this year. Christmas is usually my favorite but meh. My job cut my hours and while it sucks, I'm fortunate enough that it won't be too tight (financially). I really need the time off to destress, since I haven't been dealing with that well since like... March. I also have a bunch of crap to take care of with my car now so the extra time is helpful with that too.

I am going to attempt to decorate the tree with Hugo for a little bit. We got new Nightmare Before Christmas ornaments so that's hype. I've also been stress buying a lot of lolita dresses and I really need to actually coordinate and wear them. My newest additions this year have been BTSSB's Babydoll JSK in lavender, Angelic Pretty's Secret Garden OP in pink, Unicorn Tears' Ange de l'enfer OP in sax, and Metamorphose's Biscuit Print Sleeveless OP in white. Also hype for the Sugary Carnival rerelease next year! Now that I have this extra time, I can go through my lolita closet and put some stuff up for sale. I some anime figures I need to get rid of too.

Wow my last post did not age well AT ALL. We started easing some restrictions here, but then a lot of people went to bars and we hit an all time high for rona cases, so everything's shutting down again for "a week." I HIGHLY doubt it will be a week so I guess I'll just keep floating indefinitely. I was hoping to maybe see my parents this year. They had a very bad divorce about 20 years ago and hadn't talked to each other since. Well my mom reached out to my dad and they're now on good terms, so I could actually maybe have a normal family holiday for once in my life. But it'll go on hold.

Honestly having any kind of mental disorder right now *sucks.* I have bipolar and it's been really rough. After years of going to psychiatrists and therapists, and finally getting the right meds, I feel like I'm right back at square one. It's as if no matter what I'm trying to do, whether it's play a game or watch anime, it's all in an attempt to not feel anxious or depressed. Instead of like, you know, engaging in hobbies because I find them to be fun. It feels like the weirdest way to be stripped of agency. All the days continue to blend together too, but I guess that's just what happens when you have no plans or anything to do aside from work. And don't even get me started on the absolute shitshow that is the American government. But we already knew this, even when there wasn't a pandemic.

At least I have CBD gummies now! FGO's 3rd anniversary is next week too. I'm taking the day off because I know I'll probably be up late for GSSR shenanigans with friends. It's not like I'll be able to use my vacation time for anything else.

Finally this hellish month is fucking ending. I feel like I've aged 10 years in the past month honestly. Lockdown is officially going until April 30th, but I feel like it'll probably be longer. Went to Trader Joe's on Sunday and while I appreciate their social distancing measures, I also really did not want to wait on a 30-person line to go into a grocery store. I went to a different supermarket and some people just don't give a fuck I guess, whenever I tried to give people room or move my cart further away, they would still walk right near me even though they had plenty of room. Same thing when my boyfriend and I took a walk and moved as far back as we could on the sidewalk, and other people barely put any additional distance between us. Love it.

Very worried about New York right now. They're in such a bad spot and my heart not only goes out to the families who are affected, but also all of the caregivers and medical staff. It's a really hard time right now.

Not sure what I would do without city pop tbh. There's literally nothing happening and pretty much nothing of substance to really look forward to since I don't know the next time I'll be allowed to leave the state and/or visit family and friends. My boyfriend and I will most likely foster another cat in the next few weeks though, so I guess there's that. I'm trying to write some Social Distancing fanfics since no one is putting out the content I need and this is how I'm gonna cope honestly. I should also probably finish reading through all the manga I've accumulated over the past year or two but for some reason, I just kind of lost my taste in comics. I'll probably have no other choice soon though since apparently my some of my library's eBooks have like 6+ month long waitlists.

Alright I'm already over this quarantine. Of course the government doesn't want to help, despite shutting everyone and everything down, so all we get is a $1200 one-time check. Yay. So just fuck everyone who's unemployed because of this mess I guess. SO helpful.

At least I had the free time today to make this page. I wanted to try something different with my layout! Also, I needed to give some PGSM rep on my site because it's actually my favorite version of Sailor Moon. It was fun because I haven't really had much practice coding since I built my site last year. I noticed I was rambling a lot on my Home page so I moved some of that shit here. Tbh I've been nervous about putting my opinions on the internet ever since in 2012, I made a Tumblr post saying that Namie Amuro's Uncontrolled was bad and then I got harassed by anons in my ask box for a week. They were not ready to hear the truth so whatever.

Gaga could really be saving the gays right now with CHROMATICA but instead she decided to push it back. Meanwhile Dua Lipa is over here delivering and giving us the music we need to get through the apocalypse. Even avex trax is contributing by uploading all these tours from Ayumi Hamasaki and Ai Otsuka.

Because nothing has been going on, I grailed both Jeanne and Jalter to level 100 in Fate/Grand Order. When I first started the game a little over a year ago, I wanted to have both Jeanne and Jalter max grailed and I finally achieved the dream. I'm hoping maybe something cool or exciting will be allowed to happen in the next month so I don't have to hyperfocus on mobile games.

I'm thinking of maybe starting the next Zero Escape game because it's very topical but I honestly hate looking at my TV. I'm still trying to balance out my screentime but it's hard now that the libraries are closed indefinitely. I'm almost done with House of Impossible Beauties, which is the book I'm reading inspired by Paris is Burning. The characters are very realistic and relatable, and it's an insightful look into what was happening in the LGBT+ scene in New York City during the 80s. I think I have another novel from the library to read, but it's something random I grabbed on impulse so I'm not like jumping up and down at the thought of reading it.

We are really living in some absolutely crazy times. I hope everyone's staying safe. My anxiety's been through the roof, I swear I've had more anxiety this past week than in the past year. And I'm on my last CBD pill, yay. Anime Boston got completely cancelled for this year, so I'm sadly not seeing m-flo. I'm really bummed about it. They never come to the US (especially the east coast) and I have no idea if AB will be able to get them again for next year. Tekko at least got postponed to June, but I really feel that will probably get cancelled too. A lot of events in May are already cancelled so I don't have much hope for June honestly. I don't know how long the government expects to have everything shut down without completely killing the economy even more than we already have. I'm glad my boyfriend and I aren't affected by this and can work from home but I'm so worried about other people who just had the rug pulled from under them.

I really need to get better about updating. It's been tough because I'm trying to decrease my screentime lately and read books, since I've been getting more headaches. I pretty much go to the library every weekend now. I also can't deny that I've been playing mobile games way more lately, especially since Pokemon Masters has stepped it up and made it a much better game. I also got Red, so yay! It's hard to keep up with that and Fate/Grand Order but I'm trying my best.

Speaking of which, I recently read Loop by Koji Suzuki, the third book in the original trilogy for The Ring, and I honestly wish I hadn't. It's actually a very good book but I think it would have been better if it was completely separated from The Ring. I liked how in Spiral, it was basically a horror / science fiction novel because you find out that when someone watches the cursed tape, they're actually infected with a virus that Sadako created, which is what also kills them. There's a lot of other memery but long story (spoiler for a book that's 20 years old), Loop basically said "lol none of that shit actually happened to real people because it was in a digital simulation." It's such a shitty plot device and I feel it can invalidate the reader's feelings and reactions to the original story.

Random, but if you haven't yet seen Keep Your Hands Off Eizouken! PLEASE do. I started watching it because of the memey OP, but it's actually an amazing show and probably the best anime of 2020 already. It's the first time I've really cared about a new anime as it's airing in a few years, at least.

I'm also hype because I will be seeing Miyavi (for the second time) in concert at Tekko, as well as Mana (the literal god of EGL) and TeddyLoid. My 14-year-old self is so happy. And then the weekend after that, I'll be at Anime Boston where m-flo is performing!! VERBAL might be my favorite rapper and I cannot wait to see the group live.

It has been a REALLY crazy few months. My boyfriend and I moved from Long Island to Pittsburgh in September so it took a while to unpack and get settled in here. I'm really glad we made the move because I'm a lot happier here, plus I get to work from home. I also have my own room and just more space in general for all my degenerate stuff. Here's some pictures: Computer desk / Bedroom / Bookshelf and figures

In other news, I finally finished Persona 5. It only took me almost a year and 100 hours :') Now I've been spending some time playing the dancing game, Dancing in Starlight. Unpopular opinion but I prefer the dancing games to the Persona main games. I'm also excited because in the next week or two, Abigail Williams is being added as a Servant in Fate/Grand Order. I was really fascinated with the Salem Witch Trials as a kid and I've visited the town several times (the most recent being in 2016) so I hope I get her. My wallet is ready if it comes to that.

The new Invader Zim movie came out on Netflix yesterday and it's all I could have ever wanted and more. Invader Zim is probably my favorite show of all time and I was keeping up with the comics for a while, but I got a little bored with them. The movie does adapt part of the first issue of the comics and I think the rest was all original. I won't spoil anything but I think pretty much any Zim fan will be happy with it! The animation was beautiful and super fluid, also a few characters got some very nice development.

Fun story! The 128 GB iPod Touch I bought last month wasn't cooperating with my car radio for whatever reason. I had to return it unfortunately, so it's back to the drawing board I guess. I'm moving next month and treating myself on a nice desktop computer, so I think I'll go through all of my music then and try to find a better solution.

This is a very exciting time for me - my boyfriend and I are getting ready to move next month! We'll be moving from New York to Pittsburgh and already have an apartment picked out. Also unrelated, but I see they finally added my girl Poison to Street Fighter V. She looks amazing! Love her edgy glove, stocking, and short hair. Of course Capcom's out here to make a buck so I have to pay money to add her to my game.

So I don't have any new songs (for right now). But I'm really happy because I just got a new (used) iPod Touch with 128GB of space! I had to get a new car radio last year that did not support my old brick iPod Classic that had 128GB of space. So I've been borrowing my boyfriend's old 32GB iPod Touch in the meantime. I was able to get the 128GB one yesterday for a decent price at a local secondhand electronics shop. For the first time in over a year, I can finally listen to my entire music library (~8,000 songs). The struggle is real because most of my music is Japanese, so of course not all of it's on Spotify or Apple Music. The only record company that seems to be dedicated to making sure their artists' entire discographries is up on Spotify is avex trax (which is surprising tbh). But even then they still miss entire albums (like PRIMA ROSA by Hitomi Shimatani). I'm just really excited to have my music back because I mostly listen to music in the car and at work. At home, not so much.