July 2 2020
Wow my last post did not age well AT ALL. We started easing some restrictions here, but then a lot of people went to bars and we hit an all time high for rona cases, so everything's shutting down again for "a week." I HIGHLY doubt it will be a week so I guess I'll just keep floating indefinitely. I was hoping to maybe see my parents this year. They had a very bad divorce about 20 years ago and hadn't talked to each other since. Well my mom reached out to my dad and they're now on good terms, so I could actually maybe have a normal family holiday for once in my life. But it'll go on hold.
Honestly having any kind of mental disorder right now *sucks.* I have bipolar and it's been really rough. After years of going to psychiatrists and therapists, and finally getting the right meds, I feel like I'm right back at square one. It's as if no matter what I'm trying to do, whether it's play a game or watch anime, it's all in an attempt to not feel anxious or depressed. Instead of like, you know, engaging in hobbies because I find them to be fun. It feels like the weirdest way to be stripped of agency. All the days continue to blend together too, but I guess that's just what happens when you have no plans or anything to do aside from work. And don't even get me started on the absolute shitshow that is the American government. But we already knew this, even when there wasn't a pandemic.
At least I have CBD gummies now! FGO's 3rd anniversary is next week too. I'm taking the day off because I know I'll probably be up late for GSSR shenanigans with friends. It's not like I'll be able to use my vacation time for anything else.